WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE?

Paula Cole burst onto the music scene in 1996 asking this very question. That however, is not the reference point of the main question. It’s also not about the mythical men plastered throughout novellas, cigarette ads and many a womens fantasies. As has been for the past few decades, we’re talking about the professional football team out of Dallas, Texas. Now you may be asking yourself, “What are you talking about? I see them everywhere!” Well yeah, that is very true. The Cowboys were involved with three of the fifteen most watched broadcasts, just not football games, on television last year. So clearly they’re not “gone” per se, but doesn’t it feel like they’re always missing? Something…

Let us figure it out then. As I mentioned above, the Dallas Cowboys played in three of the most watched broadcasts. Their highest ratest game was their annual Thanksgiving game, a 36-33 loss to the Las Vegas Raiders, which ranked fourth overall. Just a week before that,the Cowboys lost on the road to the Kansas City Chiefs 19-9, while being the tenth most watched event. Surprisingly, their third game and lowest at fifteenth, was a crushing loss on opening night to the defending Super Bowl champions 31-29. With that game, it appeared that Dallas could not only keep up with the big boys in the league, but were poised to take a large leap forward towrads Super Bowl contention. It wasn’t meant to be, but isn’t that kind of the point of all this? The true issue at the heart of the matter? All the ratings, all the hype and very little to show for it. Their highest rated win, a 20-17 road win against the Los Angeles Chargers, was only the twenty first ranked viewing. Of course we don’t know the outcomes or levels of excitemnt beforehand, but it doesn’t really matter, right? Next question…

Why all of the eyeballs? What is it that draws lovers of the starred helmet ones and haters of all things Cowboys? “Good lord! Is that Jerry Jones music?!” There are two people and only two people who not only think they are deserving of a musical intro when they walk into a room. One is the President of the United States. And he has it! The song is called ” Hail to the Chief” and it is quite the banger. The other person of course is Jerry Jones. His song? Well, close your eyes, hit shuffle on your playlist, and make it fit. That’s what Jerry is, a human shuffle button. If we are being honest with ourselves, it’s one of two songs. Frank Sinatras “My Way” or Cheap Tricks classic ” I Want You to Want Me.” We all know Jerry as the ultra successful owner of the Dallas Cowboys and occasional outspoken critic of his beloved team and anything the league does he doesn’t care for. Jerry, the successful/failed/successful again oil man who parlayed his personality and money into the man next to, NEVER BEHIND, the Dallas star. The man who turned a one hundred and fifty million dollar investment into a six and a half billion dollar empire, complete with thermos! Did he get there by himself? Of course not. He did not create the Dallas Cowboys. He wasn’t along for the ride for their first few titles in the NFL. What he did do though, is fight the hierarchy. He pushed when others pulled. He told other billionaire owners to suck it up and deal. He told commissioners to kiss his grits and get off his plane! With great power comes great responsibilty, or so I’ve heard. So what has happend to the King Midas of NFL ownership?

Like many owners before him, and a few since, Jerry Jones didn’t want to just be known as the guy to write the checks. He wanted to select the talent. He wanted to pick the coaching staff. Hell, let’s call some plays while we’re at it. Rarely, and I do mean rarely, has that worked out. It especially doesn’t work long term. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like the Cowboys have been failures. They’ve rarely been devoid of top tier talent, they’ve drafted Hall of Fame players, a few fringe guys as well and even found Tony Romo in an always large pool of undrafted players. What has all of it meant? A 4-11 playoff record since their last Super Bowl appearance and win. Only three playoff wins since the start of the millenium. No conference championship appearances. Is it all Jerrys fault? I mean…if you want all the silver and blue credit, don’t you have to accept some (or most) of the blame? Which leads us to our last and maybe most importnant question.

What can be done? If that isn’t the six and a half billion dollar question then what is? What are the Cowboys to do? Move the team? Fold up their tents? Not likely. They have one of the top facilities in professional sprorts, a derth of talent and and a division they should clearly compete for. Heck, a conference that is mostly wide open. How far will they go? Like many years since 1996, probably not far enough. How far should they go? Probably to at least the conference championship game, right? Yet here we are agin, waiting for the talented, hyped up Cowboys to fall off the cliff like the Roadrunner of the NFL they’ve shown themselves to be. Because that’s what they do. Paula Cole asked the question twenty six years ago and we can relieve her worries with a few clues. Not to the conference championship game. Not to the Super Bowl. All the way to the bank. I don’t know where all the Cowboys have gone Paula, but do you want to know where they’re going? Hear that? Turn the volume up…” I am Jerry Jones, and welcome to my radio show!” How ’bout them Cowboys indeed.